the splinter shined existence

Life and challenges go together. Like suffering and creativity, they’re fairly inescapable bedfellows. Things have reminded me this week, days have included moments when I want to shout, “What’s the point?” And then I remember, thankfully, I’m no longer on a quest for purpose.

Not that seeking a purpose is inherently bad. The word has to do with reasons, and reasoning is significant. But, unlike Rick Warren, I disagree about what ought to drive a life. Warren appears to be a nice guy, an honorable pastor and so on. I’m glad President Obama asked him to pray at the inauguration ceremony. But I don’t get his foundational push for purpose, because anything I purpose to do can end up deflated as my leaky front driver’s side tire when I forget to have it pumped at Les Schwab.

Apparently Warren believes our purposing is all about practicing in this life for eternity. Doing my best now for God, so the doors of heaven will gape wider on my behalf. Sorry. If that’s the case, let me out here and you go on ahead. An infinite number of days with this broken self and the futility inherent in my being and yours is not my ideal. If I’m practicing now, getting righter and righter at my free throw baskets, well, there’d be evidence somewhere for that, yes? My points would start adding up on this side of the veil. But dang if in all honesty I can’t see that happening.

I don’t think I’m alone. Ecclesiastes is a book I’ve loved for years. Solomon likely wrote it, and it’s all about the endless cycles under the sun where nothing really changes. Every fresh generation carries the same flaws. Each new deal harbors unforeseeable consequences. Depressing, indeed, and yet it’s comforting as well. “Drink your wine with a merry heart…enjoy life…remember your Creator.” These are Solomon’s admonishments for navigating the days given. In his words, crazily enough you may think, I find meaning.

As long as there is meaning to grasp, every sunrise brings a thrill of hope. Dreams may lie in ruin, but a sad piece of this life’s puzzle can teach me, and it will pass. Like an unborn babe, I’m not privy to the full view of purposes waiting in the next phase of existence. But I find meaning and beauty believing that this moment and the ones to come beyond breath will be very different, because I, while still myself, will be given a different existence. The broken aspects of life now will be fixed, or else I’ve read Solomon and Jesus wrong.

Once upon a day of miracles Jesus muttered, “How long must I suffer you?”, meaning me and everybody in the centuries since. I’m waiting with wonder for the day past his suffering and mine. In the meantime, I’ll fill tires, watch a few sunrises, and imagine.

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